was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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