I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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