In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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