yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
