tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
