1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
