did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
