Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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