I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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