I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
