so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
