it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
