OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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