I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
did i just pee glitter
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
