you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
