I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
