Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize