every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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