I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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