apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
