I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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