your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
