Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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