I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
