I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
