don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
