he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
