shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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