if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
