we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize