We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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