I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
