im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I smell stomach acid.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
