2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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