Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
