No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
sex in a hospital.. check
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
