where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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