as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
