Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
