Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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