Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
