Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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