I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize