She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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