Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think my tv is drunk
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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