omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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