Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
