Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
