No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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