and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
