so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
