He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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