my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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