census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
