I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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