Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still dying that you shit outside
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
