Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
