I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
