I hate your face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
