And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
