You can't motorboat a personality
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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