I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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