Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
