There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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