You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
