Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
