i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
