Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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