I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
