I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
