i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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