i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
