You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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