she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We left the knife in your bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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