just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize