I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize