dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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