Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
