I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
