Your mouth is God's brothel.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
