Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
