There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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