for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
