Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
