Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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