I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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