And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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