in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
