I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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