Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
