Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
