i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
