you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
