I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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