Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
