He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
