How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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