Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
