I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
