Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
